You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
