Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So squirting runs in the family.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
