What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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