So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
