You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
