so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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