It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
