I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
