he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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