so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
