At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
