i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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