I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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