Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
