I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
