Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
