I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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