I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
