did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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