PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
