I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
