where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
