Plan B is the new Plan A
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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