I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
