Don't make out with my wife yet
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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