I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
