I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
