At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
