wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize