You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
