I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
