Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
