How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
