she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is wine microwaveable?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
