Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
