Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
