Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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