five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
