i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
