you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
