its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
