U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
