at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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