i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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