I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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