yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
