I want to make a zoo with you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
