walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
