Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
