Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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