my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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