i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
