i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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