if i can run in heels then i can drive
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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