Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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