How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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