i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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