Just fell off a train. Bad.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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