Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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