the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's the barista slut.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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