Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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