he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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