Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize