I wannas sexs uuuuu
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
