I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
