she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
