clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
