Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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