I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
