did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
FUCK WHALES
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