Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
