So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
