Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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