Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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