I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
