You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Acid is not a monday night drug
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
