Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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