I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want her autograph on my taint
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
