I'm eating all of the evidence.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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