please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
